Relationships are a beautiful journey of love, trust, understanding, and communication. But, sometimes, without realizing it, we might say things to our partners that could harm the relationship. It’s crucial to understand what lines shouldn’t be crossed to maintain a healthy and loving connection.
In this article, we will discuss “50 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner (And Vice Versa)” in detail, explaining real-life examples and suggesting what to say instead.
Table of Contents
Keypoints:
If you are short on time and want to understand phrases quickly about – Things Your Partner Should Never Say to You and vice-versa, then go through the below list. Note these things and memorize them well to avoid accidentally using any of them and spoil your relationship.
1. “You’re overreacting!”
2. “You’re just like your parent.”
3. “I make more money than you.”
4. “Why can’t you be more like [name]?”
5. “You’ve gained weight.”
6. “You’re just being paranoid.”
7. “You always do this.”
8. “I told you so.”
9. “You should have known better.”
10. “It’s all in your head.”
11. “You never listen to me.”
12. “You’re not good enough.”
13. “If you loved me, you would…”
14. “You should smile more.”
15. “You’re being dramatic.”
16. “I don’t care.”
17. “You’re just like everyone else.”
18. “You’re being unreasonable.”
19. “You should calm down.”
20. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
21. “You always need attention.”
22. “You don’t do anything right.”
23. “You’re not as good as you think.”
24. “You’re too emotional.”
25. “You don’t care about me.”
26. “You’re so lazy.”
27. “You should have done it my way.”
28. “You don’t understand me.”
29. “You’re not a good parent.”
30. “You should be more like me.”
31. “You never think about how I feel.”
32. “You should have known what I wanted.”
33. “You’re too sensitive.”
34. “You never do anything for me.”
35. “You should get over it.”
36. “You’re being too clingy.”
37. “You don’t make enough money.”
38. “You don’t appreciate anything I do.”
39. “You never spend time with me.”
40. “You don’t know how to communicate.”
41. “You’re just not romantic.”
42. “You don’t understand.”
43. “You need to relax.”
44. “You’re not trying to understand.”
45. “You always take things too personally.”
46. “You’re not fun anymore.”
47. “You don’t support me.”
48. “You’re not the person I fell in love with.”
49. “You should know why I’m upset.”
50. “You’re not as attractive as you used to be.”
If you want to read in more detail, then you can read the complete article at your own pace. Each point is divided into 3 points – Explanation, Example, and What To Do Instead. This will help you to understand the topics better and provide an alternate way of responding to your partner.
50 Things you should never say to your partner (And Vice Versa)
For easy understanding, we will focus on things you should never say to your partner. The same will apply to your partner as well, and they shouldn’t say this to you as well.
1. “You’re overreacting!”
Explanation: Telling your partner they’re overreacting dismisses their feelings and makes them feel invalidated. It shows a lack of empathy and understanding of their emotions.
Example: If your partner is upset because you forgot your anniversary, telling them they’re overreacting will only make things worse.
What to do instead: Acknowledge their feelings and apologize sincerely. Show them that you understand why they’re upset and that their feelings matter to you.
2. “You’re just like your parent.”
Explanation: This statement can be hurtful, especially if your partner has a strained relationship with their parent. It’s a low blow that attacks their personality and character.
Example: During an argument, telling your partner, “You’re just like your mother,” can escalate the situation and create more problems.
What to do instead: Focus on the issue at hand and discuss the behavior that you’d like to address rather than making personal attacks.
3. “I make more money than you.”
Explanation: Bringing up financial disparities in a relationship can create a power imbalance and make your partner feel lesser or unimportant.
Example: If you’re discussing household responsibilities and you say, “I should do less because I make more money,” it can create resentment.
What to do instead: Discuss contributions to the relationship in terms of time, effort, and love rather than just financial terms.
4. “Why can’t you be more like [name]?”
Explanation: Comparing your partner to someone else can make them feel inadequate and as if they aren’t good enough for you.
Example: Telling your partner, “Why can’t you cook like John? He makes amazing food,” can make them feel insecure about their cooking skills.
What to do instead: Appreciate your partner for who they are and encourage them in areas they want to improve without making comparisons.
5. “You’ve gained weight.”
Explanation: Commenting on someone’s physical appearance, especially negatively, can harm their self-esteem and body image.
Example: Making unsolicited remarks about your partner’s body changes can make them feel unattractive and unloved.
What to do instead: Focus on their health and well-being and encourage positive lifestyle choices without making hurtful comments.
6. “You’re just being paranoid.”
Explanation: This dismisses your partner’s feelings and makes them feel like their concerns are invalid.
Example: If your partner expresses concern about your relationship, telling them they’re being paranoid undermines their feelings.
What to do instead: Listen to their concerns and reassure them, showing that you value their feelings and perspective.
7. “You always do this.”
Explanation: Generalizing a behavior to always or never is unfair and can make your partner feel like they can never do anything right.
Example: Saying, “You always forget to take out the trash,” can create a negative cycle of blame.
What to do instead: Address specific instances and behaviors and express how they make you feel without generalizing.
8. “I told you so.”
Explanation: This phrase can be condescending and make your partner feel belittled.
Example: If your partner makes a mistake you warned them about, saying “I told you so” adds insult to injury.
What to do instead: Offer support and help them find a solution instead of focusing on their mistake.
9. “You should have known better.”
Explanation: This implies that your partner is at fault for not predicting an outcome, which is often unreasonable.
Example: If something goes wrong, telling your partner they should have known better puts undue blame on them.
What to do instead: Discuss what happened calmly and work together to find a solution or prevent it from happening again.
10. “It’s all in your head.”
Explanation: This invalidates your partner’s feelings and experiences, making them feel like they can’t trust their own perception.
Example: If your partner is feeling anxious or stressed, telling them it’s all in their head dismisses their struggles.
What to do instead: Validate their feelings and offer support or help in finding professional advice if necessary.
11. “You never listen to me.”
Explanation: Like with “You always do this,” generalizations can make your partner feel attacked and defensive.
Example: Saying, “You never listen when I talk about my day,” can make your partner feel unappreciated.
What to do instead: Point out specific instances and express how you feel, encouraging open communication.
12. “You’re not good enough.”
Explanation: This statement directly attacks your partner’s self-worth and can have long-lasting adverse effects on their self-esteem.
Example: Telling your partner they’re not good enough for a job or opportunity can crush their confidence.
What to do instead: Encourage and uplift your partner, focusing on their strengths and abilities.
13. “If you loved me, you would…”
Explanation: This manipulates your partner by tying their actions directly to their feelings for you, which is unfair.
Example: Saying, “If you loved me, you would spend more time with me,” manipulates their emotions.
What to do instead: Express your needs and desires without making them conditional on your partner’s love.
14. “You should smile more.”
Explanation: This comment can make your partner feel like they have to put on a facade and can’t express their true feelings.
Example: Telling your partner to smile more when they’re having a lousy day dismisses their emotions.
What to do instead: Ask them how they’re feeling and if there’s anything you can do to help.
15. “You’re being dramatic.”
Explanation: This statement belittles your partner’s feelings and makes them feel like they can’t express themselves without being judged.
Example: If your partner is upset about something and you tell them they’re being dramatic, it invalidates their feelings.
What to do instead: Listen to their concerns and validate their feelings, showing empathy and understanding.
16. “I don’t care.”
Explanation: This phrase can make your partner feel unimportant and like their thoughts and feelings don’t matter to you.
Example: If your partner is trying to discuss something important with you and you respond with “I don’t care,” it shuts down communication.
What to do instead: Show interest in what they say, even if it doesn’t seem important to you.
17. “You’re just like everyone else.”
Explanation: This comment can make your partner feel ordinary and unappreciated as if their unique qualities don’t matter.
Example: Telling your partner they’re just like everyone else when they share something personal with you dismisses their individuality.
What to do instead: Celebrate their uniqueness and express appreciation for what makes them special.
18. “You’re being unreasonable.”
Explanation: This statement can make your partner feel like their thoughts and feelings are irrational, leading to self-doubt.
Example: If your partner is upset about something and you tell them they’re being unreasonable, it invalidates their experience.
What to do instead: Try to understand their perspective and work together to find a solution.
19. “You should calm down.”
Explanation: This can make your partner feel like their emotions are invalid, and they’re not allowed to express them.
Example: If your partner is excited about something and you tell them to calm down, it can dampen their enthusiasm.
What to do instead: Share in their excitement or emotions and be supportive.
20. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
Explanation: This statement can make your partner feel like their efforts are not appreciated and that they are constantly falling short.
Example: If your partner is struggling with something and you tell them they’re not trying hard enough, it can make them feel defeated.
What to do instead: Acknowledge their efforts and offer support or help if they need it.
21. “You always need attention.”
Explanation: This makes your partner feel needy and as if their desire for attention and connection is a burden.
Example: Telling your partner, “You always need attention,” when they seek your affection can push them away.
What to do instead: Show them affection and attention willingly, and communicate openly if you need space.
22. “You don’t do anything right.”
Explanation: This statement attacks your partner’s competence and can lead to a lack of confidence.
Example: Criticizing your partner’s way of doing household chores by saying they don’t do anything right can create resentment.
What to do instead: Focus on their strengths and offer constructive feedback when necessary.
23. “You’re not as good as you think.”
Explanation: This undermines your partner’s confidence and belittles their abilities.
Example: Telling your partner they’re not as talented as they think after a performance can crush their self-esteem.
What to do instead: Encourage their talents and express pride in their achievements.
24. “You’re too emotional.”
Explanation: This comment invalidates your partner’s feelings and makes them feel they must suppress their emotions.
Example: If your partner expresses their feelings and you tell them they’re too emotional, it shuts down communication.
What to do instead: Encourage them to express their emotions and show understanding.
25. “You don’t care about me.”
Explanation: Accusing your partner of not caring without basis can create distance and mistrust.
Example: Saying “You don’t care about me” during a minor disagreement can escalate the situation.
What to do instead: Express your feelings and needs without making unfounded accusations.
26. “You’re so lazy.”
Explanation: This comment attacks your partner’s character and can make them feel devalued.
Example: Calling your partner lazy because they relaxed instead of doing chores can create resentment.
What to do instead: Encourage a balanced lifestyle and discuss responsibilities openly.
27. “You should have done it my way.”
Explanation: This implies that your way is the only correct way and dismisses your partner’s efforts or perspective.
Example: Criticizing your partner’s way of solving a problem and insisting your way was better can make them feel inadequate.
What to do instead: Appreciate their efforts and discuss different approaches respectfully.
28. “You don’t understand me.”
Explanation: While it’s possible your partner may not fully understand your perspective, stating it this way can create a barrier.
Example: Saying “You don’t understand me” during a disagreement can halt productive communication.
What to do instead: Take the time to explain your thoughts and feelings, and be open to their perspective.
29. “You’re not a good parent.”
Explanation: This is a sensitive topic, and such a statement can be exceedingly hurtful and damaging to your partner’s self-esteem.
Example: Criticizing your partner’s parenting in front of the kids can undermine their authority and hurt their feelings.
What to do instead: Discuss parenting strategies privately and supportively, focusing on cooperation.
30. “You should be more like me.”
Explanation: This implies that something is wrong with their behavior and that they need to change to be acceptable.
Example: Telling your partner they should adopt your habits or lifestyle can make them feel unaccepted.
What to do instead: Celebrate your differences and learn from each other.
31. “You never think about how I feel.”
Explanation: This accusation can make your partner feel selfish and uncaring, even if it’s false.
Example: Saying “You never think about how I feel” during an argument can create a defensive response.
What to do instead: Express your feelings calmly and encourage empathy without making accusations.
32. “You should have known what I wanted.”
Explanation: Expecting your partner to be a mind reader is unrealistic and can create frustration on both sides.
Example: Being upset because your partner didn’t do something you wanted but didn’t express can lead to misunderstanding.
What to do instead: Communicate your needs and desires openly.
33. “You’re too sensitive.”
Explanation: This statement dismisses your partner’s feelings and implies that their emotional responses are not valid.
Example: If your partner is hurt by a comment you made and you tell them they’re too sensitive, it invalidates their feelings.
What to do instead: Apologize if you’ve hurt their feelings and try to understand their perspective.
34. “You never do anything for me.”
Explanation: This generalization can make your partner feel unappreciated and like their efforts are unnoticed.
Example: Telling your partner they never do anything for you when they forget to do a favor can create resentment.
What to do instead: Acknowledge the things they do for you regularly and express appreciation.
35. “You should get over it.”
Explanation: This statement minimizes your partner’s feelings and implies that their emotions are not valid.
Example: If your partner is upset about something from the past and you tell them to get over it, it dismisses their feelings.
What to do instead: Show empathy and offer support as they work through their feelings.
36. “You’re being too clingy.”
Explanation: This can make your partner feel like their need for connection and reassurance is a burden.
Example: If your partner wants to spend quality time with you and you call them clingy, it can push them away.
What to do instead: Discuss your needs for space and connection openly, finding a balance that works for both of you.
37. “You don’t make enough money.”
Explanation: This statement can make your partner feel inadequate and stressed about their financial contribution to the relationship.
Example: Telling your partner that they should be earning more can lead to feelings of failure and unworthiness.
What to do instead: Discuss finances openly, create a budget together, and appreciate their efforts, regardless of income.
38. “You don’t appreciate anything I do.”
Explanation: Accusing your partner of not being appreciative without specific examples can make them feel unjustly criticized.
Example: Making this accusation during a disagreement can escalate tensions and create resentment.
What to do instead: Express gratitude regularly and discuss feelings of unappreciation with specific examples.
39. “You never spend time with me.”
Explanation: Generalizations can make your partner feel unfairly accused, and this statement can make them feel guilty for having other commitments.
Example: Complaining about their lack of time without recognizing their other responsibilities can create distance.
What to do instead: Plan quality time together and communicate about your needs for connection.
40. “You don’t know how to communicate.”
Explanation: This statement can make your partner feel incompetent and shut down communication further.
Example: Accusing them of poor communication during an argument can lead to defensiveness and silence.
What to do instead: Encourage open communication and consider seeking advice on effective communication together.
41. “You’re just not romantic.”
Explanation: This can make your partner feel like they are not meeting your expectations and are disappointing you.
Example: Comparing them to an overly romanticized standard can make them feel inadequate.
What to do instead: Express your needs for romance and appreciation and acknowledge their efforts.
42. “You don’t understand.”
Explanation: While it’s possible that your partner may not fully grasp a situation, stating it this way can make them feel excluded.
Example: This phrase during a disagreement can halt progress and create a barrier.
What to do instead: Take the time to explain your thoughts and feelings, ensuring they have the context to understand.
43. “You need to relax.”
Explanation: This statement can invalidate your partner’s feelings and make them feel like they are overreacting.
Example: Telling your partner to relax when they are expressing legitimate concerns can lead to frustration.
What to do instead: Listen to their concerns, validate their feelings, and offer support.
44. “You’re not trying to understand.”
Explanation: This can make your partner feel like their efforts to comprehend and support you need to be acknowledged.
Example: Saying this when they are actively trying to engage in a conversation can create a sense of helplessness.
What to do instead: Guide them through your thoughts and feelings, appreciating their efforts to understand.
45. “You always take things too personally.”
Explanation: This statement can make your partner feel like their feelings are not valid and they are too sensitive.
Example: Saying this in response to their reaction to a comment can lead to self-doubt.
What to do instead: Be mindful of how your words might affect them and show empathy towards their feelings.
46. “You’re not fun anymore.”
Explanation: This can make your partner feel boring and like they are no longer enjoyable to be around.
Example: Saying this when they might be stressed or overwhelmed can add to their burden.
What to do instead: Encourage activities you both enjoy and acknowledge the stressors that might affect their mood.
47. “You don’t support me.”
Explanation: Accusing your partner of not being supportive without specific examples can make them feel unjustly criticized.
Example: Saying this during a challenging time without discussing your needs can lead to misunderstanding.
What to do instead: Clearly communicate your needs for support and appreciate their efforts to be there for you.
48. “You’re not the person I fell in love with.”
Explanation: This statement can create a sense of loss and make your partner feel like they have changed for the worse.
Example: Expressing this sentiment during a disagreement can lead to feelings of rejection and sadness.
What to do instead: Discuss the changes in your relationship and work together to strengthen your connection.
49. “You should know why I’m upset.”
Explanation: Expecting your partner to know the reason for your emotions without communication is unrealistic and can lead to frustration.
Example: Being upset and expecting them to figure out why without expressing yourself can create confusion.
What to do instead: Communicate openly about your feelings and the reasons behind them.
50. “You’re not as attractive as you used to be.”
Explanation: This statement can hurt your partner’s self-esteem and make them feel unattractive.
Example: Commenting on their appearance changing negatively can lead to body image issues.
What to do instead: Focus on their positive qualities and express your attraction to them.
Conclusion
Maintaining a healthy relationship requires attention, understanding, and, most importantly, respectful communication. By avoiding these 50 hurtful statements, we pave the way for a more supportive and loving partnership.
Understanding each other’s triggers is also vital to avoid conflicts and strengthen the bond between partners. To achieve this, have an open conversation with your partner about what triggers negative emotions for both of you. This approach can help you both avoid harmful language or actions that may harm your relationship in the future.
Remember, it’s not about being perfect but about being mindful of our words and their impact on our loved ones. Let’s nurture our relationships with kindness, empathy, and love, creating a solid foundation for a lasting connection.